Include me in your nightmares
by Maiva
Summary: Two lost people get some kind of "comfort" from eachother. FujinSquall


I see you...   
I watch you, though I'm not supposed to. I find a comfort in letting my eyes rest on you, my love. Here in the darkness you look almost perfect. Perfection, however, is not what we are, only here, in our true environment I can see beauty in your wretched soul. You look almost like someone I could love. Like the one I do love. You are like a mirror of him, only less perfect, just like I am your love's less perfect form. But I don't deserve the one I love, and neither do you, his perfection is not for me, I am destined to be here in the shadows with you, not letting light fall upon out wounded souls, in fear of more hurt than we have already suffered.   
  
That's why I come to you.   
That's why I lie here, watching you, because in my heart I know we're supposed to be together, there is no one else for me, just like there is no one else for you, despite what that girl tells you. She is your happiness, like he is my motive to keep fighting the darkness.   
  
But happiness is not for us, and together, dear, we can fight the light that will kill us, we're too destroyed by life to be healed anymore. Others might say we're bitter, but, lover, we are just realistic. Our dreams of romance and power, beauty and sunshine, are just that.   
  
Dreams.   
  
Just like they, him and her, are our dreams, someone we want so bad it aches, but dare not touch, in fear that it would ruin the perfection. Because, my love, we are not perfect, like they are, we are not beautiful, like they are, we do not share their dreams.   
I share only your dreams of destruction, of holding you until we face the end together. Will that be the end of only us, or the whole world, I don't know. But I need you to cling on to, the both of us so alike that we complete another in a twisted way. When I'm here, beside you, I can forget my pain for a moment. I can pretend I'm perfect, and that you are someone that would make my heart jump in my chest. I can pretend that nothing hurts, the scars you give me reminds me that I'm still alive, that my body hasn't gone numb, rather than of what they really are, ugly wounds that I deserve. But physical pain is something I understand and I can deal with it. It's the pain inside that hurts so bad I want to scream out that it's not fair.   
  
But I go to you instead, love, I let your kisses of blood dry away my tears. I can still sense all the places where your teeth has met my scarred skin, and I know you would feel the traces off my kisses if you were awake.   
  
I can still taste the blood in my mouth,   
your blood,   
your life,   
your pain,   
your death wish.   
  
How I love that taste, it's the taste of helping you, taking away your pain, and maybe, someday, even your life. You would do the same for me, I know, my love, I know you wouldn't be selfish like the rest of the world, I know you better than them. I hope I do, because you know me. You know me like no one else does, and it helps me through my days having someone like you to go to,   
to play happy with,   
to play perfect.   
And afterwards, I can go on, not having ruined any of the real perfection.   
  
I'm surprised she doesn't notice what you're doing nights like this. If she did she would kill the gray haired little whore who fucks her boyfriend. Everyone would hate me, they would forgive you easily, you have at least the illusion of friends, where I have nothing but a band of psycho killers to come home to. But, dear, remember that none of that is real, you do not belong there in their happy perfect world, even if you want to. I hope you know that, because you could kill me if you abandoned me.   
  
Maybe she does know, your so-called girlfriend, she isn't blind, but she might close her eyes. And you tell me she doesn't care about you like you do about her. Of course she doesn't! No one can have the strong obsessions we have, our sickly strong need of having someone, the need that drives us away from emotions in fear of loving too strong, we've felt it before, the love the pain the isolation.   
But I have you to cling to, and i won't let you go, lover, I will consume you and swallow your whole being before I let you go, and you know that, because you are the same way.   
  
But it is not you I dream of when I see the perfect world I've created in my head, just as you don't see me. Knowing that, it it hard to believe this:   
  
I love you.   
It's not a perfect beautiful love, not like something out of a book, but I love you in my own sick way, dearest you, I love you too much for words...   
  
For words that doesn't sound like profanity. I need you beyond my own control, and it doesn't even hurt.   
I don't know if you feel the same about me, I don't know you as well as I trick myself I do. I know I'm not included in your dreams, but would you please include me in your nightmares?   
  
Please, Squall, love me.   
  
Love me...   
  
---   
Now wasn't that a nice, perfect, little story?   
At least it wasn't a stupid too cute romance story...   
or self insertion...   
but be happy   
feel safe   
I won't take from you   
your dreams   
of perfection   
Thanks to Emla for the her vampire talk, and to anyone who has ever wrote a fuukuro-shippy story. And I guess I got inspired from Unoriginallity's fics, so special thanks to UO too. 


End file.
